Faulty Alarm, Fitting Nickname, Fight Club Wisdom

George Bush
George Bush accompanied by wife Barbara (photo by Joseph Lozada)

Did you see where the Secret Service took 13 months to fix the house alarm at former President George H.W. Bush’s Houston residence? Probably didn’t matter anyway since Bush is a Texan — or an adopted son of the Lone Star State — meaning he has a Texas alarm. Those come equipped with triggers.

And, speaking of Georges…

Sometimes I just can’t resist. So I had to ask Rays reliever Kevin Jepsen if he’d ever acquired the nickname “George.” Surprisingly, he had not. I also discovered he does not have a wife named Jane nor a dog named Astro.

Finally…

A pearl of Tyler Durden wisdom rediscovered from the movie Fight Club: “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.”

Crazy movie, but hits the mark, doesn’t it?

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Ah, The Ping of the Aluminum Bat

The three most annoying sounds to the human ear:

1. Chalk scratching across a chalkboard.

2. A dentist’s drill.

3. An aluminum bat striking a baseball.

One’s an accident, one’s a necessity. But aluminum bats, why must we endure them?

All those years ago, didn’t you think aluminum bats were just a fad? Like leisure suits, they eventually would go the way of the hula hoop. Unfortunately, they’ve hung around like Justin Bieber or bubble gum on the bottom of your shoe.

Aluminum bats don’t rust or break, making them the cockroach of sports equipment.

Red Smith would have hurled his clacker from the press box at the mere suggestion he write about “the sing of the ping” rather than “the crack of the bat.”

Portrait_of_Boston_Red_Sox_legend_Ted_Williams_Sarasota,_Florida
Ted Williams was picky about his lumber. (“Portrait of Boston Red Sox legend Ted Williams Sarasota, Florida” by Florida Memory)

Ted Williams spent hours in the lumber yard selecting prime cuts for his model W155 Louisville Slugger. Today, youngsters push shopping carts full of Budweiser cans to the Hillerich & Bradsby recycling bin seeking the purest aluminum.

Think how much college baseball could be enhanced with wooden bats. The sport might actually become revenue producing by simply wagging the wood like they do in The Show.

Ballparks from Mark Light Field in Coral Gables to Bannerwood Park in Bellevue would find peace. And finally, fans could enjoy the games while leaving their ear plugs at home.

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