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  • Bill Chastain

Ah, The Ping of the Aluminum Bat

The three most annoying sounds to the human ear:

1. Chalk scratching across a chalkboard.

2. A dentist’s drill.

3. An aluminum bat striking a baseball.

One’s an accident, one’s a necessity. But aluminum bats, why must we endure them?

All those years ago, didn’t you think aluminum bats were just a fad? Like leisure suits, they eventually would go the way of the hula hoop. Unfortunately, they’ve hung around like Justin Bieber or bubble gum on the bottom of your shoe.

Aluminum bats don’t rust or break, making them the cockroach of sports equipment.

Red Smith would have hurled his clacker from the press box at the mere suggestion he write about “the sing of the ping” rather than “the crack of the bat.”

Portrait_of_Boston_Red_Sox_legend_Ted_Williams_Sarasota,_Florida Ted Williams was picky about his lumber. (“Portrait of Boston Red Sox legend Ted Williams Sarasota, Florida” by Florida Memory)

Ted Williams spent hours in the lumber yard selecting prime cuts for his model W155 Louisville Slugger. Today, youngsters push shopping carts full of Budweiser cans to the Hillerich & Bradsby recycling bin seeking the purest aluminum.

Think how much college baseball could be enhanced with wooden bats. The sport might actually become revenue producing by simply wagging the wood like they do in The Show.

Ballparks from Mark Light Field in Coral Gables to Bannerwood Park in Bellevue would find peace. And finally, fans could enjoy the games while leaving their ear plugs at home.

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