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  • Bill Chastain

Gilligan, Skipper… Charlie Harper?

So I’m watching “Gilligan’s Island” and they’re holding a “Miss Castaway” contest on the storied desert isle. Gilligan ends up being the swing vote, which makes for an entertaining episode. But the takeaway moment comes when Skipper delivers the following line to Ginger: “You look like Venus De Milo with arms.”

I’m thinking, “Did I miss something? Is Skipper finally making a run at the shapely actress?” Predictably, Gilligan stumbles in to botch any possible inertia. As Skipper might say, “Dooof!”

Now, think about this. Skipper never dropped a pound and could always be found clean shaven, even though he lived on an island out in the middle of nowhere. Contrast that to Tom Hanks’ skinny and bearded “Castaway” character.

I guess how you fare as a castaway is contingent on the island on which you are stranded. I’ll take Gilligan’s, thank you.

322px-Two_and_a_half_men_intertitle.svg “Two and a half Men intertitle” by Snaevar

Further deep reflection moved me to a what if question. What if Charlie Harper of “Two and a half Men” time traveled to Gilligan’s Island? No doubt he’d have the whole Island at his disposal — remember, in the land of the blind, the man who sees is king.

Charlie would dispatch the Professor to full-time duty creating his alcohol supply. Mrs. Howell could work in a pinch. And Gilligan…

Charlie would put him into service like Alan on “Two and a Half Men.” Berta once observed that Alan digs the trenches and Charlie lays the pipe.

Finally, there’s the age-old question of Ginger or Mary Ann? Charlie Harper would say “both.”

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©2020 by Bill Chastain. Photo credits: Jill Doty Photography