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  • Bill Chastain

Good looking? Don’t think about an Academy Award

Bullshit is driven by theories, so I present mine on the Academy Awards: If you’re too pretty, you don’t have a chance.

You can be handsome or attractive, just not drop dead gorgeous. If you read the fine print for Academy Award eligibility, it probably says so right there.

Oscar

Testing my theory, I went to Wikipedia to view the list of Best Actor winners. Among the past winners were Gary Cooper, Clark Gable, William Holden, Denzel Washington, Paul Newman and Russell Crowe. Each is handsome, just not over the top.

Fact is, the best bet is the actor resembling the every man such as Tom Hanks, Kevin Spacey, William Hurt, Henry Fonda, Robert De Niro and Jack Nicholson.

Same thing goes for their female counterparts where the Holly Hunters, Susan Sarandons and Meryl Streeps dominate.

Like any theory, exceptions exist.

Charlize_cropped-2 Charlize Theron (Photo by Tony Shek)

George Clooney managed to nab a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 2005 for his role in Syriana, but he did so only after growing a beard to hide his mug. And Charlize Theron — a classic beauty if ever one existed — became a Best Actress winner in 2003 for her role in Monster. Like Clooney, she altered her beauty.

Thus, if you’re having a fantasy draft for the upcoming Oscars, just remember to go ugly early.

bchastain19@gmail.com

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©2020 by Bill Chastain. Photo credits: Jill Doty Photography