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  • Bill Chastain

No More Lime Jello, Please

Talk about “procedures” dominate conversations the older you get. Thus, having just completed my third career colonoscopy/endoscopy will allow me to add to future dialogue.

Gathered from the rich experience of prepping (translation: cleansing one’s colon), I came to the following truths:

Eating only lime jello and orange Popsicles for two days greatly alters one’s disposition.

Expect to drop at least one pants size.

Cheap toilet tissue is not an option.

Fantasies about your first meal following the procedure are  constant.

Once you pass an old license plate, a fishing lure, a rubber boot, or any combination of all three, you’ll know your cleansing is complete.

Thankfully, all went well.

Afterward, an Italian dinner–sans lime jello, never tasted better.