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  • Bill Chastain

No More Lime Jello, Please

Talk about “procedures” dominate conversations the older you get. Thus, having just completed my third career colonoscopy/endoscopy will allow me to add to future dialogue.

Gathered from the rich experience of prepping (translation: cleansing one’s colon), I came to the following truths:

Eating only lime jello and orange Popsicles for two days greatly alters one’s disposition.

Expect to drop at least one pants size.

Cheap toilet tissue is not an option.

Fantasies about your first meal following the procedure are  constant.

Once you pass an old license plate, a fishing lure, a rubber boot, or any combination of all three, you’ll know your cleansing is complete.

Thankfully, all went well.

Afterward, an Italian dinner–sans lime jello, never tasted better.

Finally, several jewels mined from inventor Al Gore’s world-wide web:

Hall of Fame receiver Jerry Rice recently admitted to having a fondness for crashing wedding ceremonies, prompting RJ Currie of to note: “Rice at weddings — since when is that news?”

After LSU lost to 20 1/2-point underdog Troy, a team that collected a 1 million appearance fee, Janice Hough of wrote: “The last time Troy was involved in a story this embarrassing, a horse was involved.”

On the prospect of video gaming becoming an Olympic event, bringing along a drug scandal, Conan O’Brien observed: “Performance-enhancing ramen.”

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