Three Jobs I'd Rather Not Have
Life experiences have taught me, the fastest way to doing something you would never do is to say that you would never do it.
For example, as a youngster, I said I would never wear bell-bottoms. Next thing you know, bell-bottoms were the rage and that’s all I wore. I also noted, “I’ll never like girls.” Lost that one, too.
So reluctantly I share with you the three jobs I would never take, though I’ll categorize these as three jobs I would "rather not have". The last thing I want to do is jinx myself. Here goes:
– Tinkle collector in a Major League clubhouse. Players can't have PEDs in their system, right? Thus, the tinkle collector. These guys actually watch the players while they fill up the beakers with their urine samples.
– Window washer for high-rise buildings. The fear factor for this one is way too great. Once while taking in the view of Chicago from a downtown hotel, a window washer lowered himself in front of my window. As he squeegeed away, I could think only of Wile E. Coyote and a plume of dust.
– Armpit sniffer. According to an article in the Martian Herald, such a job exists. The purpose of the sniffer’s duties is to ascertain whether certain deodorants are getting the job done.
If you notice a dab of deodorant on the tip of my nose, you’ll know I actually did jinx myself.
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