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  • Bill Chastain

To the Graduate…

With graduation ceremonies taking place everywhere, the best advice I can offer a graduate — other than to visit Anne Bancroft (you might get lucky) — is to drink bottled beer — shy away from the keg. And, borrowing from Ted Turner’s speech at a Georgia State University graduation in 1994 (yes, according to my extensive Internet research, this is attributable to Turner and not Kurt Vonnegut): “Put on sunscreen and wear a hat.” Besides that, the best I have to offer: Plastics.

To those further advanced in life — specifically, new fathers — I recommend changing your baby’s diapers every day. When it says 6 to 12 pounds on the side of the Pampers box, they’re not lying – that is all those things will hold.

Surgery and sports seemingly go hand in hand — Tommy John, rotator cuff, ACL, etc. Once that surgery takes place, the team’s announcement is always something to the effect: “So-and-so had successful knee surgery on Friday.” Have you ever heard a team announce that the surgery didn’t go so well?

Along those same lines, it’s always “routine” surgery when somebody else is having surgery.

While sports fans are viewed as a collective group of ignoramuses, how many people do you know, besides sports fans, who can correctly pronounce and spell Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski’s name? Or former major leaguer Mark Grudzielanek’s?

Monday’s post featured Plant High legend Tim Norrid talking about facing David Clyde, the No. 1 pick of the 1973 Major League Draft. That prompted a friend to note that Norrid had also played basketball against Otis Birdsong in high school. Birdsong would go on to play at the University of Houston and become the second pick of the 1977 NBA draft. The Winter Haven native also delivered this: “There are three sure things in life: Death, taxes and my jump shot.” Just as silky as that sweet fall-away J, Otis.

Finally, a question that needs to be answered: Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

bchastain19@gmail.com

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©2020 by Bill Chastain. Photo credits: Jill Doty Photography