• Bill Chastain

TOYS AND GAMES: Head Transplants in Sports?

Dr. Frankenstein used to be the guy if you wanted a head transplant. And what did that get him? A pack of angry, torch-wielding villagers on his front lawn.

House_of_Frankenstein_(Strange_and_Karloff)Alas, according to some of my deep Internet research, I’ve learned that the prospect of transplanting a head on a different human body is on the horizon. Of course, there are some semantics to be ironed out before this thing gains traction, but the idea is out there.

Which leads me to think about the possibilities that would be created in sports.

Think about the football player who is all heart and no athletic ability. What happens when you put his head on, say, Ryan Leaf’s body?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve covered baseball teams and observed: “Man, if you could put Joe’s head on Elmo’s body, just think of the pitcher you’d have.”

Yes, I have seen many million dollar airplanes with a 50-cent control towers.

Imagine future visits to the manager’s office:

“Joe, we like the way you think out there, we’re going to put your head on Elmo’s body. See how you operate with a 99 mph heater.”

A superior pitcher could be created.

Obviously, the downside would be if you were Elmo.

“Son, we’ve decided to go in a different direction…”

Big game between Georgia Tech and Notre Dame at South Bend on Saturday. When I attended Tech in the late 1970s, the schools played every year. I still remember the signs and pins that came out every year: “Duck Notre Fame.”

Tech students now have a t-shirt proclaiming, “Rudy was offsides.”

Finally, I didn’t learn a lot from Wednesday night’s Republican debate, but wasn’t it refreshing to hear Jeb Bush tell the truth? He inhaled.

Still, it’s hard to get used to the idea of The Jebber rolling up the road in a Duster, Bob Marley blaring from the eight-track with a fatty in the ashtray. Dude!


©2020 by Bill Chastain. Photo credits: Jill Doty Photography