Bill Chastain- Bill Chastain
TOYS AND GAMES: Put on Your Whitey Tighties and Cue the Banjos
A shirtless middle-aged man headed in our direction while I walked along Bayshore Boulevard with Patti. Close examination revealed that the man looked like Ned Beatty, complete with the girth sagging over the top of his shorts.
First thought: Is “Deliverence The Musical” holding a casting call in Tampa?
Put on your whitey tighties and cue the banjos.
Patti noted that no man — with few exceptions — should venture shirtless along the Bayshore — or anywhere else for that matter — particularly those over the age of 30.
Later I asked my fashionista wife about other faux pas for men walking or running along Bayshore. Here’s what she came up with:
No ball-huggers. The shorts that are way too short and crawl up one’s ass. In other words, John Stockton, bad.
Tank tops? Patti’s take: “Wrong on every level.”
And, finally…
Absolutely no fanny packs. This mandate includes those utility belts that hold water bottles. If you need a drink of water that bad, simply stop at one of the water fountains.
Remember, as Patti says: “It doesn’t matter how much exercise you get on Bayshore, it’s how you look.”
She concluded, “That’s why I walk when it’s dark.”