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  • Bill Chastain

TOYS AND GAMES: Rousey Perfect for Road House, But Who Plays the Bad Guy?

According to a recent report in Variety, bad-ass Rhoda Rousey will be staring in MGM’s remake of the cult classic Road House.

Rousey would be the female version of Patrick Swayze’s Dalton.

Swayze2 “Swayze2” by photo by Alan Light.

While not critically acclaimed by any means, Road House is one of those flicks that you have to look at when you’re channel surfing. Dalton was such a deep character, he secretly drove a Benz and had a doctorate in philosophy, but being a “cooler” — a.k.a., a bouncer at bars, was his calling. When Dalton wasn’t having deep thoughts about existentialism — while sucking on heaters, he practiced tai chi.

Truly a tortured individual. Tragic, right?

I get the whole Rousey thing. I can even picture her at the Double Deuce telling the other bouncers, “I want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice.” What’s got my brain working overtime is figuring out who plays bad-guy Brad Wesley, Ben Gazzara’s role? Floyd Mayweather first came to mind. Nah, too easy. Besides, a woman is needed if a woman is taking Swayze’s place.

Then the idea came to me that would make the Road House remake a box office smash: Film two versions, Republican and Democrat.

Hillary Clinton would obviously work for the version that would be attended in Theatre 1 for Republicans only. What god-fearing Republican wouldn’t want to see Hillary get her ass kicked by Rousey?

Equally entertaining to Democrats would be the Theater 2 version featuring either Sarah Palin or Anne Coulter. The prospect of Rousey laying the wood to either would do wonders for the donkey soul.

I’m telling you, the good times would roll and both sides would be happy. And think of all the loot that could be bagged for the campaign coffers for spending on all their silliness.

bchastain19@gmail.com

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©2020 by Bill Chastain. Photo credits: Jill Doty Photography