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  • Bill Chastain

TOYS AND GAMES: Speaking of Alcohol

Beer and wine will be sold at University of Texas football games this fall, beginning with their September 12 home game against Rice.

Hookemhorns “Hookemhorns” by Enoch Lai

Meanwhile, at College Station, rival Texas A&M will remain dry. Texas A&M’s Chancellor John Sharp couldn’t resist when asked about the Longhorns’ decision: “Our athletic program has not reached the point where we require the numbing effects of alcohol.”

Speaking of alcohol, here’s a breakfast conversation I recently took part in after hearing a gentleman tell the waitress: “I need more bacon. Got a bad hangover.”

To which I offered: “That’s what Bloody Mary are for. And you follow that with a cold Heineken. Doesn’t get much better than that.”

Hungover man: “That’s right.”

Waitress: “Wouldn’t that get you drunk all over.”

Me: “That’s the point.”

Former Rays infielder Elliot Johnson remains one of my favorites; he’s witty and smart. Check out this recent tweet by Elliot, who can be followed @ElliotJohnson9:

Clubhouse speak during a drug test:

“Everything come out ok for you, kid?”

“Stage fright?”

“How much peeking was there?”

Frontier Airlines has taken air travel to a new low with their nitpicking. Reminds me of the old minor-league baseball motto: “Just get them into the ballpark. After that you can sell them everything.”

Baggage fees are one thing, but Frontier also charges for overhead space usage — even for a computer bag. And they charge for any beverages served — other than water. While waiting to board, I wondered if they charged a sitting fee.

Despite the summer lullaby of little tykes voices, I managed a nap on my early-morning flight from Cleveland, so I likely missed the announcement: “Frontier Airlines invites you to enjoy the restrooms for no charge. Toilet paper is a dollar a square. Credit cards only.”

I will have to be desperate to again fly the skies with Frontier.

bchastain19@gmail.com

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©2020 by Bill Chastain. Photo credits: Jill Doty Photography