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  • Bill Chastain

TOYS AND GAMES: The Essence of Dudes

Dudes aren’t complicated.

That’s why it’s still possible at this late date for wannabe movie makers to make that summer blockbuster on the cheap, provided your target audience is dudes.

Assembling the cast is simple: A bunch of guys who are a bit on the flatulent side along with a night shift of Hooters waitresses.

The only props needed: baked beans and garden rakes (sand trap rakes will suffice).

The script can be written in a day. Be sure to include plenty of scenes with guys farting or lighting fire farts. The hidden dangers come when they step on the rakes. Mommy! Cue the laugh track.

Mix those with scenes featuring a healthy amount of Hooters breasts. These should come naked with no flappers.

Suitable settings: a baked beans convention, a sports bar, or even a romantic beach sunset–so long as Hooters waitresses are involved.

Let Benny Hill be your guide and by the end of July your film will have surpassed the entire Star Wars series at the box office. Again, dudes aren’t complicated. Trying to make a similar movie for women would be impossible, they simply have too much depth. To fully understand, think about the guy who grows tired of hearing his wife or girlfriend tell him that he should love her for her personality rather than her looks. Frustrated, he finally replies: “How do I know which of your personalities to love?”